No Means Try Harder

Posted on: December 1, 2017 | Doula Inspiration, Doula Self Care

That was the message, right? Over and over again the message was repeated. They heard it loud and clear. The word no, simply means… try harder, right? Here are some examples.

Them: Can I have candy?

Us: No.

Them: Please?

Us: No.

Them: I’ve been good.

Us: No.

Them: If I eat some carrots first, can I?

Us: No.

Them: C’mon, please?!?!

Us: Ok, you can have one piece.

No means TRY HARDER.

Them: Can we go to the park today?

Us: No.

Them: Why? Please?!

Us: No, today is not a good day.

Them: Please??? Just for a little while.

Us: No. Not today. Now pick up your toys.

Them: No.

Us: I said pick up your toys.

Them: I’ll do it later.

Us: If you get your toys picked up we can go to the park for a little while.

No means TRY HARDER.

Him: Let’s go all they way.

Her: No.

Him: Please?

Her: No.

Him: You’re so hot.

Her: No.

Him: I just love you so much.

Her: You do? I love you too. I’m just not ready.

Him: C’mon, please.

Her: Let’s wait.

Him: Wait for what?

Her: I’m just not ready yet.

Him: You don’t love me?

Her: No, I do! I really do. I’m just not ready.

Him: That doesn’t make sense. If you loved me, you would want to.

Her: I do want to, I’m just not ready yet.

Him: You don’t love me. I’m leaving.

Her: Wait. Come back. I love you. I’ll do it.

No means TRY HARDER.

In a world where no MUST start meaning NO, we have to realize what message we are conveying as the definition of the word.

It starts with parenting our children.

Let’s consider what other language we can use for “I can’t make up my mind right now and if I do, I might change it later” that is not no.

Let’s think about why we don’t want “no” to be the definitive answer that it is designed to be. Will saying no hurt the other person?

What if it does?

Knowing that hearing the word “no” might hurt another person, can sometimes keep us from saying it. But that can put us in a situation we don’t want to be in. We don’t want the person to feel rejected. We don’t want them to be angry with us. We don’t want them to feel badly.

But what about us???

“No” can protect us!

A clear and definitive, unwavering “no” can set someone straight. We must say no like we mean it and we must teach our children its definition while preparing them to properly deliver a “no” themselves.

Authored by: Randy Patterson