She Made a Hell of a Meatloaf…

Posted on: October 23, 2015 | Become a Doula, Doula, Doula Inspiration

Sometimes I say I’m a doula and sometimes I describe what one is instead. This time, I went with the description.

I was moving through New York’s Laguardia airport security line at a snails pace. Shoes off. Belt off. Laptop out. Everything in bins…. I got through the line, grabbed my stuff and walked over to a bench to reorganize. Moments later, a man walked over with his things to do the same. 

As we were, putting our shoes and belts back on, I couldn’t help but say, “Here we are, two strangers getting dressed together….” The ice was broken and we began the normal airport chit-chat.

“Are you traveling for business for pleasure?” He asked.

Next, he asked, “what do you do?” I said, “I own a business that trains and certifies people to provide physical, educational and emotional support during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period.”

He said, “Oh, Doulas!”

Now, nothing about this guy said he had any business knowing what a doula was, but sure enough, he did! Of course, I asked how he knew. He said that 20 years ago, in NY, his wife had a doula. I thought, surely I must know this person. I’ve been a doula in NY myself for nearly 30 years.

I asked the man, “What was your doulas name?” He said, “Hmmm, I don’t remember her name, but she made a hell of a meatloaf!”

Now here’s what’s so cool about this.

As doulas, when we work with a family, our job is to provide the support that I mentioned above, BUT it is also to build on the strength and foundation of the client and their partner. It is to be present and absent at the same time.

The family is having an experience and while sometimes our role is very clear and direct, our goal is that decades later, we are faintly remembered.

As doulas, we want our clients memories surrounding their labor, birth and postpartum experience to be about them, not us. We want them to feel like they did it and not like they were dependent on us.

We help. Don’t get me wrong, the help we provide is valued, appreciated and respected, but when we do our job right, 20 years later it’s a win if a client says, “My doula? Hmmm… I don’t remember her name but she had great energy, long black hair and lots of tattoos.”