Doulas, Rockstars, and Back Stage Passes

Rockstar

Time and time again, doulas say, “My client was an absolute ROCKSTAR during their birth!” and the rest of us know exactly what they mean, right? We know that the message being conveyed is that the client totally “rocked” their birth. 

But I want to take this “Rockstar” thing a step further. ROCKSTARS (and NEW PARENTS) have 3 kinds of people in their lives.

First, they have their fans. The people who love and adore them… from afar. 

The people they hope to inspire but who they also must keep an arm’s distance away. Those people both love them, and unfortunately… judge them. They have expectations for what the “Rockstar” has to offer and they wait eagerly for new releases and concert dates.. until or unless they don’t anymore. 

One slip up, one crappy song, one less than stellar performance and it’s all over. It’s as if the Rockstar is no longer human. They become fair game for public name calling and shaming…

Now think about the newly postpartum parent. There are people in this person’s life, acquaintances, if you will, who are cheering for their success. They “like” and “love” the new parent’s Facebook posts, send words of congratulations and even a message saying, “I’d love to come by and see the baby…” 

Next, the Rockstar has the people who they give a Back Stage Pass to.

But the newly postpartum parent knows that their judgment and ridicule await, and therefore, they keep them an arm’s distance away…

Those people are next level fans. They are “connected” to the Rockstar in either a “close” or an abstract way. 

  • Perhaps they knew the Rockstar at another time in their lives but didn’t remain close. They got word to the Rockstar somehow and asked for a pass in order to re-connect… 
  • Maybe they are a friend of a friend who they asked for a “favor” and the friend managed to get them tickets and a pass. 
  • They may have won a contest or even paid extra money for a “Meet the Band” experience. 

These people proudly move around the venue with their “back stage passes” for all to see. They are excited! They want photo opportunities with the Rockstar so they can show their friends on social media how “well acquainted” they are with this famous person. They want to feel attached for a moment to something “greater” than themselves.

Similarly, the newly postpartum parent has people like this in their life… 

  • These people come for a visit. 
  • They hold the baby. 
  • They take a selfie of themselves holding the baby.
  • Within minutes, the selfie of them with the baby is plastered all over their social media accounts. 

They seem invested in their friend, but clearly it is more about them, then it is the newly postpartum person… And frankly, that kind of sucks…

Now, let’s talk about the people who get ALL ACCESS BACK STAGE PASSES.

The All Access pass is reserved for the people that bring the Rockstar physical, educational and emotional support. See where I’m going here??

Educationally, they support our Rockstar in the role of their record label representative, their manager, their agent, their publicist, the tour manager, their personal assistant and so many more.

They know where our Rockstar needs to be at any particular moment and know how to get them there. They know who our Rockstar is scheduled to meet with and what they are expected to do. These people make sure everything runs smoothly based on the Rockstar’s expectations and things happen more effectively because of their support.

Physically, they support our Rockstar in the roles of the roadies, the stage crew, their massage therapists, guitar and drum technicians, and so much more.

They make sure our Rockstar is well nourished, relaxed, hydrated and prepared to perform.

Emotionally, they support our Rockstar by providing comfort. They are the “inner sanctum.” They are trusted and loyal.

They provide nurturing support and hold space for our Rockstar to release the pressures of the road and the expectations. They are the person that the Rockstar can be real with; raw, honest, frustrated and tired. They reduce stress and instill confidence and their affirmations and care help our Rockstar live the challenging life of being on the road. 

These people are doulas.

Doulas get ALL ACCESS BACK STAGE PASSES because they are in it strictly for the Rockstar clients that they support. 

As a Postpartum & Infant Care Doula, you are exposed to the nitty gritty, the down and dirty, the raw reality of postpartum recovery; both the emotional and the physical. 

You have an ALL ACCESS PASS because you are trusted with vulnerability and emotional upheavals. Your comfort and understanding makes a difference to your clients and because of you, they transition far more smoothly. 

Every time a doula is given an ALL ACCESS BACK STAGE PASS, we know that another Rockstar client will be weathering the road with confidence and care.

Authored by: Randy Patterson